Wednesday, August 16, 2006

A very unwelcome visitor

There are times that I hate being right.

Today is one of them.

This afternoon, my period started. I had been cramping all day and knew that it was on it's way. There had been no other signs that it was like the cramping I had experienced last time although, until the bleeding, I still had a secret hope. But it was buried deep, deep, deep. Protecting myself.

Lucky.

I don't know how I feel. Flat, sad, resigned.
But I'm calm. I'm thinking about next time. I'm planning for the between times. And I'm looking forward to a glass of wine tomorrow night for FIL's birthday. And then Friday night at a dinner with friends. And then I start getting back into shape again.

I've already started losing a little bit of weight without even trying. I'm going to get fit again and feel good about myself. This cycle didn't go as well and I can't help wondering if it was my physical state that made the difference. So next time, I'm going to give it the best possible chance again.

I wish I didn't need it. I wish this had been the one. But it's not. And there's nothing I can do about it now.

If the magic formula existed, wouldn't we all be using it?

25 Comments:

At 8:37 pm, Anonymous Meri-ann said...

Oh Stella, this sucks and I'm sorry..... hugs x

 
At 9:50 pm, Blogger Vee said...

Yep it sucks alright ! Sorry t hear your news.
Good to hear you have new plan and staying positive for the next step, in the mean time enjoy the wine.

 
At 11:06 pm, Blogger Bea said...

Stella, I'm sorry.

Shit, you always remain that little bit hopeful until the last, hey?

Bea

 
At 11:31 pm, Anonymous lassie said...

I'm sorry that AF came. That rots. Take care of yourself, L.

 
At 6:24 am, Blogger Heather said...

I'm so sorry. I was really hoping this cycle was gonna be the one!

Congrats on the weight lose. Enjoy that wine tomorrow night!

 
At 7:42 am, Blogger Lisa said...

There's nothing else I can say except that I'm sorry too.

 
At 8:24 am, Blogger Mary Ellen and Steve said...

I am so sorry Stellanova. I was so hoping that this cycle would be the one for you. Hugs.

 
At 9:35 am, Anonymous flygirl said...

Damndamndamn. I'm sorry Stella. This just plain old sucks.

 
At 2:30 pm, Blogger sube said...

I'm sorry this cycle didn't work out. Make that glass of wine a big one. Hugs.

 
At 6:41 pm, Blogger Meg said...

Oh Stell...

I'm so sorry. You sound like you're doing ok?

I hope you are.

My love to you, my friend. xxxx

 
At 11:35 pm, Blogger Zee said...

Stella, I'm so sorry. That is so unfair and disappointing. And I totally understand holding on to that shred of hope until the bitter end. I don't know whether or not that makes it worse, but it is what it is. Take good care of yourself (and solicit lots of love and pampering from Adventureboy). I'm sending hugs and empathy from this side of the planet.

 
At 12:22 am, Blogger serenity said...

Oh, Stella. I am SO SO sorry.

I wish I had more than words for you.

Sending you love and hugs.

 
At 3:32 am, Blogger Amy said...

I'm really sorry to hear that AF came. I hope that your next cycle is the one. I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

 
At 3:47 am, Anonymous Paige said...

Stella, so sorry. ((hugs))

Thank you for your comments on my blog they really helped me through a bad time!

I hope knowing that you are in my thoughs helps you through this bad time for you!

 
At 9:07 am, Blogger VanillaDreams said...

Ugggghhh. This sucks, Stella. I am so sorry.

Were you on progesterone for this cycle? I'm just wondering because if you were I have heard it's unusual to get AF while still on progesterone -- although it happens I know.

You will be in my thoughts -- I really do wish there was a magic formula for all of us.

xx
Nilla

 
At 9:53 am, Blogger Emmie said...

Stella,
I'm really sorry. You sound very strong and I'm hopeful the next cycle will go better. Thinking of you.

 
At 9:56 am, Blogger Hopeful Mother said...

I am really sorry, Stella. So sorry.

Great about getting back into shape - I'm impressed that you have already made a few pounds disappear!

 
At 10:00 am, Blogger Kris said...

I'm really sorry.

Enjoy your wine and your friends. Take care.

 
At 11:02 am, Blogger Pixxiee said...

I'm so sorry...but so pleased that you can look forward to the next cycle. And that you have positive steps to take to get yourself in shape for it.

I'm just very sad. For you. I really had hoped that it would work.

Hugs...

 
At 12:38 am, Blogger Thalia said...

So sorry to see this news, stella. So disappointing and so familiar, it just sucks, big time. Thinking of you.

 
At 6:07 pm, Anonymous Kath said...

Dear StellaNova, I'm so sorry. How I was wishing that you were wrong. This is so frustrating, so sad.

 
At 10:53 pm, Blogger Beagle said...

I'm so very sorry.

Words just don't cut it. So very sorry.

 
At 10:09 pm, Blogger Lyrehca said...

So sorry to hear your news.

 
At 10:09 pm, Blogger Lyrehca said...

So sorry to hear your news.

 
At 4:43 pm, Anonymous Jennie said...

oh Stella I am so very very sorry to read this entry it's so not fair :(

 

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