Monday, August 07, 2006


I'm back. Thanks for all of your encouraging comments. Even though I know they don't change what happens, they certainly make me feel like I'm not alone.

I have an embryo on board, but I'm really not feeling very confident about it. When Scientist Popstar came into our little curtained cubicle, I held me breath nervously. I knew there had to at least be something, or they would have phoned me earlier this morning to tell me not to bother. But I knew, it wasn't ideal.

6 cell had only grown by 1 cell. Both 3 cells had become 4. My heart sank ... 6 cell had been my hope. Then she told me that 4 cell had become a partially compacted morula (that is the stage before blastocyct).

It has caught up a lot, and is only a few hours behind, she said.

But it's not all the way there yet, I grumbled. (yes, I am fully aware how ungrateful I have been)

AdventureBoy held my hand as Dr Challenge arrived. He thought it might have been the endometrioma he drained from my left ovary, disturbing the growth of the follicles. He suggested another laparoscapy if this one doesn't work.

He left and I cried. I don't want any more surgery. I just want a baby.
Poor AB. He is so pained when I am like this. He want to fix it but knows he can't.

So, in we went. Only a small amount of preliminary ski conversation before we were underway. Pain again, almost agony, but quick. He knew what he was dealing with this time and it was all finished in about 10 minutes. PCM (Partially Compacted Morula) was on her way and I crossed my fingers tight. I sooo hope she likes the decoration.

But she's only partially compacted. She's a few hours behind. And I'm feeling very apprehensive about any chance of success. I've even started planning for how I'm going to approach the next attempt. About how I'll need more time off for more surgery. About the fact that 38 is slipping by and this is my last chance for a baby before 39.

I told all of this to Chinese Cutie Punk when I saw her for some needling straight after the procedure. She calmed me down. She sent me to sleep. She really was wonderful. And AdventureBoy and MonkeyBoy were waiting to take me home when I was finished (my sister is working late tonight).

And now MonkeyBoy is harrassing me with "I'm hungry!", calling from in front of the open fridge door. I had better go and feed him.


At 5:26 pm, Blogger Bea said...

I'm not sure what to say, Stella.

"Hold onto hope - plenty of worse-looking embryos have ended up decades on winning the Nobel Peace prize!"


"At least you have AB and MB there to cheer you along!"


"At least it wasn't quite so painful this time, Chinese Cutie Punk sounds great and I love that there's a plan in place for the future!"

Doesn't quite work either.

I guess we'll just wait, and see, and hope, and - oh yes - try not to think about it too much. There. Problem solved.

Hugs and hopes, Stel.


At 4:43 am, Blogger Emmie said...

Thinking of you and keeping my fingers crossed. Hang in there.

At 5:26 am, Blogger Courtney said...

I hope you find your silver lining soon. I'm sending you lots of love and strength. Good Luck!

At 8:07 am, Anonymous lassie said...

An embryo on board is an exciting thing. I'll be hoping and praying for yours to nestle in nice and tight. Take care of yourself now. You've done everything you could to make this work.
All the best, you deserve it. xoxo

At 9:38 am, Blogger Vee said...

I have everything crossed that PCM gets nice and cosy in there and settles right in.
Keep busy.
All the best.

At 11:07 am, Blogger Pixxiee said...

I'm about to have my transfer tomorrow, and I feel for you. We want them to be all perfect and to know NOW dammit! My doc did tell me that sometimes embies that don't look too good end up being the ones that stick. I hope your PCM (pretty cool midget) is the one that sticks.


At 12:21 pm, Blogger S said...


Sending you the strength to get through the next two weeks. I'm crossing everything and hoping that PCM will get settled in for a nice long rest.


At 12:23 pm, Blogger Beagle said...

Good Luck to you, AB and PCM!

At 12:34 pm, Blogger Bea said...

Guess we're cycle buddies this time around, Stel.


At 3:26 pm, Blogger sube said...

Hoping PCM finds a nice cosy spot and that you wont' need your plan B.

At 2:41 pm, Anonymous Jennie said...

keeping fingers crossed that PCM becomes FCM *fully compacted morula) and then IB (implanting blasto)ahhh hang it, just so hoping this works for you

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