Tuesday, August 15, 2006


Sorry about yesterday's horribly miserable, negative and self-indulgent post. Please ignore me ... I blame the progesterone!!

I'm still looking for signs ... I'm still getting none. Squeezing, prodding, analysing. It can send you bloody crazy!!!!!!!

I really don't think I was this bad last time. Friday seems so far away. And I'm so busy at work - it's not like I haven't got enough distraction. But it's there. In the back of my mind, in the front of my mind, in AdventureBoy's mind. I'm trying not to think about it, but not succeeding.

I'm even dreaming about it.

Floating, drifting, swimming through thick air. Blinking, blurring, light caught in tangled eyelashes.

Sounds penetrate the haze, delicate, quiet, suddenly loud. Shrilling, trilling. Harsh in gentle ears.

Moving through faces in narrow corridors. Pushing, pulled, drawn in all directions. Answering, questioning, searching, researching.

Swimming back to the beginning. The shadow beckons, a detour. Hands grasp, holding, caressing, pushing.

A lock of hair draped in a moon beam. Clouds part and the black lake glows. Ripples, and the entry is neat.

Floating in the darkness again.

But now, I have to read the Australian NSW Science Syllabus in preparation for a meeting I have tomorrow.


At 9:52 pm, Blogger Meg said...


1. That's ok. You cant match me for psycho. Not any day. haha.

2. Beautiful words. Thank you.

3. Sounds disgusting. I pity you.

At 11:03 pm, Anonymous lassie said...

Lovely words. Glad you're able to stay in the moment and hold onto hope.
All the best, L

At 3:50 am, Blogger VanillaDreams said...

No need to apologize! This is YOUR blog, after all! :)

So your beta is on Friday?? I am really hoping for you!

My beta is on Monday. The only symptom I have is waking up with quite sore breasts today, for the first time during this cycle, and that is pretty much it. Yesterday I was nauseated, but who knows what the heck that is from!?

Hope you feel better soon!!

All the best,

At 6:27 am, Blogger ellie said...

Yeah, hard to read into the symptoms and get anywhere :) Sorry it is a long wait. I do hope the best for you- and will keep checking back!

At 8:55 am, Anonymous Meri-ann said...


Now go enjoy that light reading.....

At 9:55 am, Blogger Kris said...

Waiting is just the worst... especially when you can't even escape those thoughts in your sleep. Hope the next few days go by without driving you too crazy.

At 9:59 am, Blogger Bea said...

Stella, now we've talked before about putting negative thoughts/etc on our blogs. And what have we said? That IT'S OK IF YOU WANT TO BECAUSE IT'S YOUR BLOG and you just post whatever's most helpful to *you*. Are we clear? I don't want to hear another apology for a post, young lady.

Your dream sequence chills.


At 10:14 am, Blogger Mary Ellen and Steve said...

I am looking for signs too but getting nothing. It is so freaking frustrating. I am jealous that you get to beta on Friday. Mine is still over a week and a half away because we will be on vacation. I am going to go absolutely nuts.

No need to apologize for venting on your blog. It is your blog afterall. We are always here for you no matter what. Hugs.

At 11:46 am, Blogger sube said...

Hope the next few days pass by in a flash, as they no doubt will with something like the Australian NSW Science Syllabus to keep you distracted ... Oh, wait.

Hang in there!

At 12:04 pm, Blogger Pixxiee said...

No apologies. I just posted something pathetically self pitying on mine too and I feel better now I've got it out.

I'm with you. The obsessive panty checking, the "do my boobs hurt more than last time" scenarios. You are a few days ahead of me so I will be watching and hoping.

By the way...my friend says that with every pregnancy her symptoms have been different each time. So try not to compare too much with the last time - I know, I do it too! But I'm good at preaching and occasionally I remember to practice it myself.

Oh and enjoy that light reading. Blurgh!

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