Realism or PCM? And the winner will be ...

Even though I have convinced myself that there is nothing going in there anymore, I have decided to go it alone on the Crinone ... at least until a period starts or it runs out ... whichever comes first.

But now I've got myself into a bit of a miserable state. I didn't realise how much I had subconsciously thought this one was going to work ... until I have been presented with the undeniable absence of symptoms of ANY kind. Apart from a headache I have had all day today, I feel way too normal to be anything other than negative. My breasts even seem to have shrunk (along with some of my stomach too, I am grudgingly pleased to say). I have had a small cramp in one spot since about lunch time - lower right abdomen - but it's not the kind of pain which means anything. I remember the feeling I am supposed to be feeling from last time.

And that's a big part of my certainty of failure with this cycle. The actual fleeting success I had before has given me so much ammunition for comparison obsession. Tonight, last time, I had strong, painful, period pain type cramps. In the middle of the night I woke up with a painful need to unrinate. My boobs had been bigger and slightly tender. I was sure my period was starting ... but I was at least feeling something.

Tonight ... nothing. And I should be feeling at least a little by now.

I'm very flat about it all. I am so certain. I hate to be so negative ... I'm sorry to all of you who are trying to have hope. I really would love more than anything to welcome her back in, but I think she's busy enough with all of you.

And, whatever has happened has happened. All I can do now is wait. If PCM was ever going to make it she would have by now. She wasn't all that strong to start with ... a bit of a fighter ... but behind the gun.

I'm wishing for her to make it - don't get me wrong, but Realistic StellaNova is winning the race at this stage of the game.

And I think she's got a strong start.