Wednesday, August 30, 2006

New Plan

I had my appointment with Dr Challenge this evening. Poor love was absolutely exhausted. He had delivered 2 babies today (both IVF babies) and was working late to catch up on all of the appointments he had missed.

And now, a new plan. He knows my reluctance for more surgery, but he is equally reluctant to do another cycle that could be doomed before it begins.

So I guess he wins.

More surgery it is.

But he can't fit me in for a 'look' until the 20th September. I hate waiting. I am such a 'right now' kind of person and my impatience grows with each passing month. And if (when) he finds something, there will be further treatment to wait for. And then, another cycle.

Still waiting, still waiting. I feel like I'll be waiting forever.

If what he finds is mild, he may treat a little there and then and put me on Zoladex before starting the next cycle. If what he finds is extensive, he'll schedule me for a bigger operation and get rid of it all again. And then there will be recovery. And then we cycle again.

I'm really very strongly feeling that all of this won't be finished by Christmas - I won't be smugly rubbing my belly or wondering about the results of a cycle. Another milestone passed, a marker in the history of this process. Another year without the present I crave most. But I don't want to think about that part.

Back to the appointment. I am being sent for another bloodtest as well (Day 3), but it wasn't just all fun and games for me. AdventureBoy is being sent for a new sperm test to see where he's at now. The last one was 2 years ago and wasn't brilliant then. Even though most of the problems are significantly related to me ... he only had 1% normal sperm and not as many of them as would be ideal. Between us, our chances are pretty low without help.

So, we need help, and we'll have to keep using it. Surgery, drugs, injections, acupuncture, herbs, vitamins, everything! My new herbs arrived today and I'm back on the program again (except for the chocolate ice cream that AB bought nome tonight!!!). In this next 3 weeks I'm going to find myself and my body again,ready for more surgery and hopefully recover as quickly as I possible.

My attitude is still really quite positive, despite my impatience. I can't change the process ... I just need to manage it as best I can.

And avoid all of those other pregnant women out there (but not in here of course).


At 12:56 am, Anonymous flygirl said...

I still have this incredible urge to mumble "bitch" under my breath when I see a pregnant woman.

The waiting sucks doesn't it? Seems like IF is all about hurrying up and waiting and then more waiting. It's so frustrating.

Wishing you some answers before Christmas.

At 1:42 am, Blogger serenity said...

I hate hate HATE the waiting part. It's the WORST.

I am with flygirl - I am hoping you get answers before X-Mas.

At 7:49 am, Anonymous Watson said...

I agree -- waiting is the WORST part! But it is nice to have a plan of action in place.

I hope you do have some news before the holidays, so that you feel like you're moving forward and into the new year with hope.

Thinking of you!!

At 8:46 am, Blogger TeamWinks said...

Agreed, waiting is the worst! I guess we will just have to keep each other company while we both wait and wait.

At 11:14 am, Blogger Mary Ellen and Steve said...

Waiting is so hard. Hang in there. I hope you have some answers before Christmas. Hugs.

At 2:50 pm, Blogger Lisa said...

Ah, it sounds like you've got exactly the right attitude. All the waiting is definitely the most frustrating part of infertility and you seem to be coping with it much better than I ever do!

At 9:26 pm, Blogger Meg said...

Yep, you do sound like you have it all in hand, Stell. That's great. How's work going.. not long till the holidays? Two weeks for us.

At 5:28 am, Blogger Ella said...

Waiting definitely sucks. I hope you don't have too long to wait for answers. Thinking of you.

At 5:29 am, Blogger Ella said...

Waiting definitely sucks. I hope you don't have too long to wait for answers. Thinking of you.

At 10:56 am, Blogger VanillaDreams said...

I can commiserate with you on the waiting. Now that this current pregnancy has failed, I will most likely only be able to cycle again in January or February at the EARLIEST. Which sucks.

And more surgery for you? That definitely sucks.

Sending the best thoughts your way, despite all the waiting crap....

Take care,

At 12:26 am, Blogger Thalia said...

I bloody hate waiting. After our first IVF cycle we had to wait three cycles, then get scanned to see if the endometrioma had gone away (it hadn't of course) then wait while they scheduled the laparoscopy, then took 6months in total.

I hope your wait is much shorter and that the endo has not come back in force. might you consider a month on zoladex anyway, just to see if it helps with implantation?

At 3:19 pm, Blogger Zee said...

Waiting. Sucks. Big Time. But it sounds like you've got a plan--and that helps a lot. Using the "down time" to work on getting back in shape and back to feeling more like yourself sounds like a great idea. Even if it doesn't make the time pass faster, at least you feel like you're doing SOMETHING.(That's what I'm telling myself anyway. I'll let you know if it works.)

At 11:43 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Waiting is awful. I hope that the time passes quickly for you.

At 11:59 pm, Blogger snowhite said...

Hey stella,

I know what you mean about the body bit - I also feel that mine has been hijacked by this process. Maybe use the wait to reclaim it - in whatever way feels good.

Best of luck.

At 5:13 am, Blogger Kris said...

I'm a terrible waiter. At least you seem to have it figured out... you can't change the process. I'm still trying to figure out how I can!

At 1:15 pm, Blogger Bea said...

Urgh. For some reason I've been checking back on blogs and getting the same old front page. I just started wondering why no-one had written anything for a week and a half and... anyway. Technical difficulties. Catching up now. (Except it's only been a problem for half the blogs... weird...)

Ok, where was I?

I hate looming milestones. Christmas is starting to enter my mind as well (although, of course, it's a bit different when you have to wait for surgery and another stim cycle, etc).

I hope your AB has sperm just as good as ever before - no, actually, I hope they're better this time. It's such a stress to wait for those sort of results.

But I'm really glad you're feeling positive. I guess we might as well, hey - it's not like it's over yet.


At 4:38 pm, Anonymous Jennie said...

woohoo to a course of action! Poo to having to wait! seems like our entire lives are spent waiting for one thing or another, I do hope he finds only a little and can fix it there and then. roll on Sept.


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