Time for a makeover?

Bob didn't like the decor.

HCG today - 5.

And I'm OK.
Disappointed - yes.
Mildy heartbroken - yes.
Slightly panicked - yes.
But OK.

I was expecting it and my grieving had been all done and over by yesterday. My body was giving me clear messages that something had been ... but now was gone.

And I've started making a plan. I'm not sure if it's a fully formulated plan yet but, by the end of writing this post, it might be.

So, even though I have 2 frozen embryos, I want to do another stim cycle. Because these are young embryos (compared to a future me at least). If this process ever works, I will want to try it again. And my 40-year-old embryos will have less chance of sticking than these 38-year-old ones. So I'll save them - keep them in the bank - and hopefully get the opportunity to use them for number 2 in the future. Perhaps a little idealistic ... but I have to be ... or why am I bothering with any of this?

But first, I have to have this period, then another, to prepare for the third and pick up / transfer after that. They won't go straight into another stim cycle to protect my ovaries (even though they only collected 5 eggs). Which leaves us kind of hanging around until the end of January, even with my 26-day cycle.

I could potentially have a FET next cycle ... which would appease my impatience ... but I would regret it down the track. I know there are no guarantees about anything - and I'm probably just talking all over the place - sorry to take you on this uncertain journey - but I feel like I'm tentatively happy about these plans.

It will mean that Dr Challenge will be on leave at the time, but I might be able to have Dr Important do it all instead. They are not associated at all except that they use the same clinic, but they sometimes take over each others patients when they are away. In my small town, they are the only 2 fertility specialists we have - prior to Dr Challenge coming to live here, Dr Important was the only one. And I have only heard very good things about him, so I'm not too concerned about having another strange man poking around ... well, you know ... down there! I have lost all dignity when it comes to that part of my body and medical professionals by now.

But, I'm not meeting with Dr Challenge until next week about all of this. I am hoping he will agree that these plans are a good idea - the nurse at the clinic thought so when I discussed them with her this afternoon. I think I'll send him an email tomorrow.

And in the meantime, I'll work on that redecoration. A new colour scheme - a few new cushions perhaps - something that will appeal to an embryo. I've got a couple of months - I hope I can do a good job of it this time ...