Friday, November 03, 2006

Bits and Bobs

I have my Year 10 school reunion tomorrow. I'm kind of looking forward to it but I'm kind of dreading it at the same time. The part I'm dreading most of all is the 'kids' question. I know I'll be able to deflect it with the usual 'soon' or 'we're working on it', but I really don't want to even be asked. I don't want to be reminded and I won't want to look at photos of theirs. Maybe I could tell them about Bob? Ask Dr Challenge to send me the photo he took of the screen on Wednesday. There ... that one's mine ... gorgeous, don't you think?

I'm astounded at how paranoid I've become this time. I'm convinced that everything I'm doing is going to be the end.

I walk about 500 stairs a day - that will kill Bob.
I strain every morning because of progesterone blockage - that will
kill Bob.
I drank 2 cups of tea yesterday - that will
kill Bob.
I haven't been drinking enough water - that will kill Bob.
I lifted my 8-year-old nephew tonight - that will
kill Bob.

It's exhausting and consuming.

Actually, that last one has made me really paranoid. Straight after I did it, I realised I shouldn't have. He's really only a skinny little thing, and climbed up onto me while I hugged him goodbye after his birthday dinner, but now I think I've strained myself and I'm cranky at myself for forgetting.

But it's so hard not to keep living your life as well. I know, if Bob were stuck, he'd be in by now, but they all say not to lift heavy objects. And maybe Bob will decide this is not a very friendly place at all and pack up and leave.

Every afternoon, AB asks 'how's Bob?' ... I wish I knew. This is going to be a looong wait - it's only been 3 days and already it feels like forever. I'm searching for symptoms, obsessive boob-squeezing, detailed twinge analysis, nipple checking, everything, even though I know it's too early yet. So much for my casual ambivalence.

I think I'm just raving now. A bit all over the place. A bit unsure. A bit paranoid.

I think I'll just go to bed and give Bob time to rest.


15 Comments:

At 6:15 am, Blogger serenity said...

Hang in there, sweetie. That's the worst part - the worry that whatever you do normally will kill your little embie...

I have all my fingers and toes crossed for you that Bob is settling in and getting comfy!

 
At 7:15 am, Blogger Thalia said...

Sweetie there is NO WAY that lifting your nephew has had any effect on bob. None. At all. So stop winding yourself up!

 
At 9:42 am, Blogger Bea said...

Well, the ambivalence was never going to last the whole distance. I imagine it's like you were feeling low about the follicle numbers, then when the embryos did so well you had an upswing, and now you're at the top of the rollercoaster feeling that stomach-falling-out sensation as the ride goes on. I just want the ride to end with "Whee! That was fun!"

Bea

 
At 10:25 am, Anonymous lassie said...

Love the title! I was a mess before my 10 year reunion. Then I met up with a long lost friend and sank into a nice cushion of memories. Hope you're able to do the same.
Thinking of you, (and Bob)
xoxo

 
At 12:31 pm, Blogger Mary Ellen and Steve said...

I hope that Bob is making himself nice and cozy. Hang in there sweetie. The 2ww is so hard. I am thinking of you. Hugs.

 
At 2:37 pm, Anonymous shazz said...

Hope you don't mind me popping in but just wanted to wish you good luck on the dreaded 2ww and Bob is snuggling.
xx

 
At 5:55 pm, Anonymous Meri-ann said...

Nothing you've done will hurt Bob- so stop beating yourself up!!
Thinking of you x

 
At 9:28 am, Blogger Susie said...

HI - I used to think all of those things too when I found out I was PG and someone once said to me that you can't shake the healthiest apple from the tree! I know it is hard but really try not to think about it too much.

 
At 1:35 pm, Blogger TeamWinks said...

Reunions....yup, it's offical. You are braver than me! I'm sure you will come back with at least one funny story to share. Can't wait to hear it!

 
At 2:11 pm, Blogger Kris said...

Yikes- reunions. Hope you enjoy it and the kids questions aren't too painful.

Nothing like the self man-handling we all do checking for symptoms! I hope the wait goes quickly.

 
At 2:15 pm, Anonymous flygirl said...

After my IUI I was convinced that how I clench my stomach muscles when I drive would prevent anything positive from happening. I tried to avoid driving anywhere. We all get paranoid about the little things even when we know we're being silly.

Thinking about you Stella and rooting for little Bob.

 
At 4:14 am, Blogger Beagle said...

The 2ww is just hard. I would skip the reunin, but I am a hermit these days.

Hoping Bob is here to stay.

 
At 12:27 pm, Blogger My Reality said...

I have never gone to a school reunion - I avoid them like the plague. I hope it went well!

 
At 6:35 pm, Blogger VanillaDreams said...

One time I heard someone say this about embryos, "they are like sesame seeds in a peanut butter sandwich!" LOL -- I thought it was an interesting analogy, and it made me think, well, if the embryo(s) has/have implanted, then, it probably isn't going to go anywhere, just because I went for a walk, picked up something heavy, tripped up the stairs or something like that....

I don't know if that helps or not, but it was what popped into my head when I read your post!

Cheering for Bob right now.....

All the best of luck,
Nilla

 
At 10:12 am, Blogger M said...

Gosh. I know what you mean about reunions. I didn't go to my 10 year which was last Thanksgiving. I didn't want to hear about everyone's kids and perfect lives. I was just getting ready to start all this IVF business and didn't feel up to going. A year later I'm posting with my baby girl beside me. I wish you the same luck.

 

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