I wish I was a punk rocker ...

Reunions are funny things. I think it was interesting and cringeworthy in equal amounts.

The most amazing thing of the afternoon was how many of my ex-classmates had become complete losers!! Or maybe they always were and I just hadn't realised. I has been 20 years since I've seen most of them. The other thing that surprised me as well was how old some of them looked. I always was a bit younger than most of them, but I'm talking months, not the years that some of them appeared. I was a bit frightening really.

But it was funny too. And it was great to catch up with some of my old friends again. Interestingly, the people I felt I had more in common with on Saturday were people I had nothing to do with (and even seriously disliked) when we were at school. Yes, interesting, the passing of time.

In Year 10, I was voted the girl most likely to join a punk-rock band. I was rebellious, subversive and confrontational. I was the somewhat stereotypical arty student who loved the Sex Pistols, wrote poetry and spent all of my time drawing and painting. I was bored with the slow pace of my classes and tried to devise ways to disrupt the lesson as many times as I could. I always received top grades, but I had very little respect for my teachers and authority in general.

Now, I'm a teacher. A coordinator even. I am the position of authority and the irony was a great source of amusement for many of them on Saturday. I was asked by a few, 'why?'.

I thought about it. Why?

I think mainly to be the kind of teacher I wish I'd had. Who understood my boredom and rebelliousness and how it was simply representing the desire of a bright kid to think for herself. To question the rules and analyse their validity before she decided to follow them. And I really do have a soft spot for the naughty kids at school. I look beneath the behaviour and try to figure out the motivation. There are always reasons.

I hope I've been able to help at least ONE of them to feel better about themselves and who they are.

..................................................

And now, news of Bob.

Well, no news of Bob really. Again, it's so hard to tell. I thought my breasts had been a little larger - an little tender - but today, they feel smaller and the tenderness is gone. I have been bloated but it, too, feels like it has diminished tonight. Today, I have been absolutely exhausted and even skipped yoga to come home and have a nanna-nap but tonight, fine again. And crabby, very crabby, although that seems very related to the tiredness.

And that's it. Nothing else and I'm starting to feel that this one is on it's way out as well. I still hoping more than anything that it's not and still doing all the right things in case it has, but I was expecting to feel more by now. Shouldn't I be?

Beta is not until Monday and my period would be due Friday if it comes. I know it will be hard if it comes ... everything seemed to be going so well. And AdventureBoy is so positive. As always.

I wish my body would just agree.