Decision?
I think I have made up my mind today.
But there you go ... I couldn't keep going then and haven't written another word for 10 minutes. So perhaps I don't know. No .. no .. I do .. I have .. I don't think I can wait .. (mmm - did you notice it - that word 'think'?).
Fucking uncertainty!
I think one reason I have been wanting to wait is that I wan't to get my body back in shape again to avoid a complete blowout with the next round of jabbing and tabbing. I so don't feel like myself and I can't afford to buy a whole new wardrobe at the moment. But then, if it works, I'll have to buy new clothes anyway. And I won't have my body back again for a long time in that scenario either. Do I need it?
OK - I've even got the shits with myself now.
Just say you're going to do it!!
Yes, yes. I know. I'll do it.
Because I'll feel like I'm wasting an opportunity if I don't. And I want it to work. And I know my chances are slim for a natural conception. And my body won't change that much in a month anyway.
Right. Decision made. My period will start this weekend and I'll phone Saint Anne and Meagan and I'll be back in the Big Top again.
......................................................
And I promise next post - no more indecision. I might even talk about something other than infertility for a change.
posted by StellaNova @ 7:51 pm
4 comments
4 Comments:
I just wanted to wish you luck with the next cycle. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. I hope this next one works!
Ok, I'm in advice mode tonight. So here it is: you can't *know* what's going to work out best. You can't *reason it out*. So... what do you *feel* is right?
First answer.
No second guessing.
Bea
(Er... had to add because I'm having clarity issues tonight - I know your posted ended with a decision - but you seemed to be lacking in resolve at a few points, so... I thought the previous comment might help... like I said. Advice mode.)
StellaNova - Good for you... it sounds like resolve in that last bit... looks like we're going to be cycle buddies too...my period is also due in a few days.
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