Wednesday, June 07, 2006


I think I have made up my mind today.

But there you go ... I couldn't keep going then and haven't written another word for 10 minutes. So perhaps I don't know. No .. no .. I do .. I have .. I don't think I can wait .. (mmm - did you notice it - that word 'think'?).

Fucking uncertainty!

I think one reason I have been wanting to wait is that I wan't to get my body back in shape again to avoid a complete blowout with the next round of jabbing and tabbing. I so don't f
eel like myself and I can't afford to buy a whole new wardrobe at the moment. But then, if it works, I'll have to buy new clothes anyway. And I won't have my body back again for a long time in that scenario either. Do I need it?

OK - I've even got the shits with myself now.

Just say you're going to do it!!

Yes, yes. I know. I'll do it.

Because I'll feel like I'm wasting an opportunity if I don't. And I want it to work. And I know my chances are slim for a natural conception. And my body won't change that much in a month anyway.

Right. Decision made. My period will start this weekend and I'll phone Saint Anne and Meagan and I'll be back in the Big Top again.


And I promise next post - no more indecision. I might even talk about something other than infertility for a change.


At 10:18 pm, Blogger Amy said...

I just wanted to wish you luck with the next cycle. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. I hope this next one works!

At 6:16 pm, Blogger Bea said...

Ok, I'm in advice mode tonight. So here it is: you can't *know* what's going to work out best. You can't *reason it out*. So... what do you *feel* is right?

First answer.

No second guessing.


At 6:19 pm, Blogger Bea said...

(Er... had to add because I'm having clarity issues tonight - I know your posted ended with a decision - but you seemed to be lacking in resolve at a few points, so... I thought the previous comment might help... like I said. Advice mode.)

At 7:27 pm, Blogger Meg said...

StellaNova - Good for you... it sounds like resolve in that last bit... looks like we're going to be cycle buddies period is also due in a few days.


Post a Comment

<< Home