Saturday, June 03, 2006

A new normal

It's been exam week at school as the term is nearing it's end. I am frantically collecting tasks, marking and writing reports, as well as supervising my team doing the same. I have barely had time to do anything, let alone write. Strangely, I have been feeling like a part of me has been neglected as a result.

And that another part of me has returned to some kind of normal as well.

(If I was marking this as a written assignment, I would have circled the 'and' in my special pink marking pen and written beside it "Don't start a sentence with 'and'" - of course my own writing is happy to flaunt those particular rules!!)

So back to the normal me ... I think that I have settled back into some kind of pattern of normality (somewhat anyway). I am still (of course) intently reading and researching everything I can to better plan and understand my next cycle, however, I am able to function a little more effectively at work now. That can only be a good thing as I've been so mentally absent that I am sure I must have seemed completely incompetent and useless lately.

My brain is feeling switched back to on again and I can think about actually being motivated about my tasks and obligations. Even my classes are benefiting from my increased focus. Lucky for them because I'm writing their reports this week!

But it's a different kind of normal. A new normal. A slightly cynical and definitely less naive and innocent normal. Not that I was particularly naive but I had no idea of how little I knew. I have an encyclopaedia of infertility inside my head now but I am sure there is still plenty I don't know. I can't know. I don't want to know. I am sure there are still plenty of experiences yet to be had. Hopefully they'll be weighted further to the side of good than sad.

My breasts have been starting to hurt again this weekend - this fits with my feelings that I am due for my period next weekend. It's been kind of hard to tell where my cycle's been at since the D&C but I'm quite sure I ovulated last weekend. Hopefully it will happen according to my projection and then I can phone Saint Anne and begin the jabbing, stabbing and tabbing in the next month.

Thank goodness I'll have all of the busy stuff of school out of the way before I start the next cycle and even a couple of weeks of school holidays thrown in there as well. I really can't wait until the end of this term ... it's been one of the toughest I've ever had. But luckily I've had AdventureBoy by my side the whole way. Optimism and all, I really couldn't do without him.


At 1:44 am, Blogger Bea said...

It's nice when bad things finally roll to an end. It's nice to be ready to start the next bit - not to forget about the past, but to be able to finally call it The Past.

I've stopped making sense. Haven't I? Sorry.

Good luck...


At 9:33 pm, Blogger Meg said...

SN - I am the queen of starting sentences with "and"! What they always said to us at uni was that you have to know the rules to break them, right? I'm going to go mad before this term ends. It's the big 12 weeker because of those damn commonwealth games, and everyone is going CRAAAAZY.


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