Bad Day

Every year, we have Grandparents Morning for Year 7. There are performances and tours, morning tea and speeches and at the end, the girls all give their grandparents a gift they have made for them. It's a lovely, heartwarming family event and it happened today.

And there were tears at the back of my eyes for a large part of it. I don't know whether it's the injections or just my general feelings about this whole infertility thing ... but I was fighting them for most of the morning. I kept thinking that maybe, this might not ever be mine. I wanted it. I wanted to be able to know the pride and joy that was so evident amongst these people. Two of our staff were also grandparents and I have known these people for so long and never seen them so full as when their grandchildren came to shower them with warmth and hugs.

For a wonderful event, it gave me a really bad start to my day. I have been snowed under at work since I returned from holidays in preparation for a departmental school inspection (all of the documentation is due tomorrow). I just finished my last bits then (explaining the lack of writing this week). After that, I got a letter from my principal putting a particularly negative spin on a meeting we had last term. Before I knew it the day was over and I still hadn't finished half of the jobs I had needed to do.

But I had to go as Saint Anne was expecting me - I picked up my mighty Gonal-F pens and a special little package for AdventureBoy. He was rather excited about his present when I gave it to him.
When do I need to fill it?
Not until the 2nd August ...
(and I started on the 29th June).
Another little dig that didn't help my day at all.

And I absolutely DO NOT recognise this body that I now have to call mine. I tried to buy some clothes today after seeing Saint Anne and nothing fits! I look terrible and all of my underwear now digs into my flesh. I have never had to worry about my size before and have always been a pretty standard size 8 (Australian) all of my adult life. I was SO miserable in the change room and didn't want to buy anything. There are parts to my hips now that I can't even fathom and the experience firmly entrenched the bad day even further.

I hate that this happened to me on top of everything else. I can't even feel a little bit normal - I'm down to only a minimal wardrobe that I can wear and I know I look different too. Usually, a couple of weeks of walking will make a dent in it, but not this time. I feel like I've even grown. Surely that can't be the injections having such an extreme effect this time?

So there's another mopey one ... I don't like to feel like a whinger all the time. I promise a more positive post next time. I need to for my own sake.

And I do have something to look forward to in the next couple of weeks ... BIG OVARIES!!!